only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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