You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
