gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
