But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize