I'm drive I can fine osifer
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Randomize
