The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Randomize
