my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
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