So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
