If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
