you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
