youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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