Say something about gay babies.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
