I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
We left the knife in your bed.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
