My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
