When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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