So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
