I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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