sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
