if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
