Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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