you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
