idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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