I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
