if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
and i looked up. we had an audience...
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
