He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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