I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
