Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize