i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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