So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
