found the other keg... it's in the tree
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize