yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
