Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
