I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize