I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
you would pick up someone in the library
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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