I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize