Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
