He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
