I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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