I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
