I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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