my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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