I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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