Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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