i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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