Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
