Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
