never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
