im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
