WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
