the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Randomize
