Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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