I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize