I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
