Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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