I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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