Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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