brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
