in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
