oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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