A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
