return my video game
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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