I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
