hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
