Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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