At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
