my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
