I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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