oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
