I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
