I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
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