I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Randomize
