i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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