Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
