sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
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